Picking up few of my belongings on the table, I scanned through the office which had become my point of call in the last few years. The computer assigned for my usage was still on the table sitting sturdily, the mark my spider plant left was still at the point where its house used to be and my reclining office desk chair was recovering from my weight after I stood up. The chair had been one of my worthy possession since I started work at the office.

My job had given me joy and I had enjoyed working with a diverse community. I learned so much and if there was anything in the world that gave me a bit of technical know-how as far as IT ( information technology) was concerned;  it was this job.

I learnt words I never knew and names of places I have never been. I understood the language of people better than I thought I knew and I met some amazing people. People who saw beyond colours of the skin and the shape of the words that came out of me.

After a farewell lunch with my colleagues and the handing over of the company’s possession to my Line-Manager, I faced the world alone once again in my life. A new world of opportunity.  A world of uncertainty filled the fear of the unknown.

As I strolled out of the office, I clung to my innermost self. Something told me to walk back and confess that this whole “resignation thing” was a big joke. A swarm of thoughts raised through my mind. I chuckled as I remember the reason for the decision.  Stubbornly, I took a deep breath and walked to my car. The walk to and fro my car was the usual routine for me, but, something felt unusual about it on this day.

I felt a bit uneasy. I felt every step I took on this day. I noticed all the details, I saw the slow-moving vehicles, I saw everyone I passed by with ting of aspiration, I heard the birds tweeting and I felt the cold winter breeze grazing my entire face on that January afternoon.

The hill just before the turning to where my car was parked became apparent. The trees surrounding it was well pronounced with their leaves succumbed to the coldness of the season. I marvelled to the beauty of nature.

My job was amazing and so am I. I am becoming impatient with some “norms” of life. I  frown at poor representation of my species and the lack of willpower to make a change plus the general assumption of people trying so hard to judge the level of my intelligence.

I no longer have the patience to prove myself right to someone who was given the mere chance of being superior at work. I could not just keep seeking approval of a total stranger in order to be seen as a worthy member of a team. I refute the loud and challenging voice of an oppressor.

Call it PRIDE or overestimated of self-worthiness, but, there is more to me than racing out in the morning and dashing back at night in order to survive. There is more to me than being glued to the screen of a computer and the acceptance of torture of abuse on the other end of the phone.

There is more to me than just been a biological mother to my children. Each child of mine deserves more than the chronological framework of “good morning”, “good afternoon” and “how was your day?”.

My home should be an abode of love, a shelter from the harshness of the outdoor world, not just a passing phase with a roof. An abode for me to display what I truly represent, not just a house.

In my quest to live and contribute positively to my life, I made a decision and this is to survive. I have decided to make it work despite what a total stranger thinks of me. This is my give. I am willing to make it work.

This is to bring it all together. This is looking inward and bringing the best out. The quest is to make good use of myself and my commitment to myself. There is more to me than just the mere gives and takes.

This is a plunge to pick up all the scattered bits of myself and make it whole again. This is me and there is much more to give.

Here is to my world.  Welcome to the RENEWED ME.