Something died in me when my friend came knocking on our door that day. On top of her very long list of achievements, she just got admitted into a top university. We had been on this journey together, but, somehow, she got a university of her dream while I still hung on the tiny sleeve of hope, praying and wishing for a miracle.
My friend had it all. She was very popular within our community, she could talk effortlessly without thinking while people listen enthusiastically and she was as fearless as a lioness. She could go on a battle with anyone, boys in our area feared her for sheer strength and physical agility. She was an athlete and she was well known for her intelligence.
She didn’t have the abundance of physical beauty and was a bit shorter in height; I felt I had more in appearance when compared with my friend, yet, she had more, much more than beauty and height could acquire.
My friend not only scored goals with every kick, but she also had a “fiance” who adored her and showered her with gifts at a time I was as single as single could be. By the time we entered our twenties, my friend was engaged and marriage bells were already ringing.
I sulked inside as she ranted about her achievements, but, I put on a brave show of happiness and excitement. I played along.
I sat alone and thought of what to do with my life after the whole episode. I felt like a loser. I wanted to bury my head and hid away from this shame. The shame of not achieving anything in life was overwhelming. I was empty inside. Part of me wanted to cut the friendship. We were known as friends, I was the quiet one who never really achieve anything, she, on the other hand, won it all.
I was sick of the union. The friendship of woes, a friendship with a partial story. I felt I was being judged. I felt worthless.
The days that followed were difficult for me, but, I listened to the quiet voice in my head. I planned with my friend, I asked questions when I wasn’t sure. I told my friend my worries of failures. We planned together. She carried me along and with time, I felt nothing, but, pure happiness for her achievement.
With the help of my friend and the guidance from her mother, I was able to secure admission to a university. I earned the reward of being happy for other people’s happiness. I learnt a big lesson which I held onto until today: Feeling happiness for other people’s achievements do bring joy and fulfilment.
The feeling of jealousy is natural and part of life. In fact, some social scientists believe that we all need a bit of jealousy to surge forward in life, to be focused and work harder in achieving our goals. Covetousness is what is frowned upon.
The problem arises when “the crab bucket effect” surfaced in an act of jealousy. The crab bucket effect is when you have a bucket filled with crabs and water. The crabs in this bucket all try to escape, wishing and working towards freedom, but, as soon as one of the crab climbs on the top of other crabs to the edge of the bucket, another crab pull it back into the bucket, pulling down all the effort the crab built-in.
It is perfectly normal for you to feel beaten down when someone shared their success story. It is okay to feel down, withdrawn and dejected for a while. It is also okay to be ravenous and greedy just for a moment. It is perfectly alright to work towards your goal after seeing your friend achieved a goal. Feeling sad and wishing or working toward his downfall through any medium is the real act of wickedness.
Next time you hear a success story or achievement of people close by, do your part, express sincere heartfelt happiness or at least pretend to be happy and soon happiness and fulfilment will find you.
This Post Has 14 Comments
It is beautifully written. We all have a dark side and been aware of it helps us beat it.
May Allah grant our hearts Sekinah.
Aameen my beautiful sister. Thanks.
it's awesome....love u so much sis....kip it up ma....
Love you sister. Thanks
Very true, nice piece Sista. 👍👍👍
sister!!!!!
Very much on point. Be happy about other people’s success and that will pave way for positive challenges to success story.
Well done Sherryfah2
Well said sister. That's the reality of life. We are created distinctly and each man's turn is obviously different.
Pray work hard and wait for your time.
Most importantly, being happy for others and praying for the success, you are indirectly praying for yourself!
You've said it all. Thanks for stopping by.
The successful should also be modest in celebrating achievements and consider the feelings of those around still struggling to make it or who still hang on to the "tiny sleeve of hope."
The successful should also be mindful of flaunting their achievements. You are on point. Thanks for stopping by.
My sincere heartfelt gratitude for this write up. You said it all and more of this stuff sister.
Thanks sister
Well written and you said it all, may Allah grants us goodness and contentment. May He makes of those who are happy when others are celebrating their achievements. Ameen
Thank you sis.