The Old Lady On My Morning Walk.

I was already on the slope down the little hill not far from where I live that early morning when I met her. At first, I didn’t pay much notice to the figure ahead of me, but then her ataxic gait caught my attention. In her right hand was a loaf of bread in a see-through bag clutched tightly at the top with her fingers. Hanging from her shoulder down to her shin was a coloured flower robe underneath which was a plain dress. 

On her feet were grey faux fur slippers; it was apparent she wasn’t on a morning walk like most people jogging past. She was in some kind of discomfort as she dragged herself. From time to time, she would rest her slender body against the metal frame that separated and lined the street. That morning, the wind was ravaging. The old lady’s flowered robe flapped around her under the strong wind. Interchangeably, she clutched her hands around the metal frame and the loaf of bread. The picture she painted was pitiful. She shivered. The wetness of the morning rain made her wet grey hair clinged to her face, neck and head.

I shortened my pace when I got closer to her. Something about the way she looked didn’t settle in well with me. Through the drizzling rain and the whooshing sounds of the wind, I could hear the rattling sound of her keys somewhere within her clothing.

“Do you need help?”. I asked. She looked at me with piercing eyes filled with great confusion and replied, “Where is Duarte Place? Do you know where Duarte Place is?”. I intruded; “Is that where you live?’. She answered with, “Duarte Place?”.

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A Place Called Home

I watched as the air hostess pushed the food trolley down the aisle. The second meal was served on the 6-hour journey. The air hostess stopped beside each row of seats and handed out the professionally packed turkey ham sandwiches with a smile before asking for the passengers’ choice of drink.

When she got to my row, I asked if there was a vegetarian option. She paused and applied the brake to the food trolley with her feet before replying, “No” with her eyes hovering over me. She then asked, “Did you pre-order a vegetarian option?”. I was a bit puzzled not knowing there was a pre-ordering system in place as regards airline meals. I replied in negative both with my voice and facial expression.

The next question the air hostess asked left me unsettled. “Do you want me to pre-order your meal for when you’re returning home?” This question caught me unaware, I paused for a few seconds, millions of neurons connected in my head, and then I replied spontaneously, “I am going back home”. She cast one final glance at me and ruminated over my statement, she then released the break and moved on to the next row without saying a word.

I pondered on the word “HOME”. For whatever reason I didn’t understand what home meant for a brief fleeting moment. Where is HOME? I chewed on this question for the rest of the journey. HOME! WHERE IS HOME? Have I been labelling the wrong place as home? Is the place I called home a home to me? What constitutes home? Where is home?

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My Clattering And Chatting Mind

My mind chatters just like yours, but not the soft whispers of yours. It wanders into the thorns and bushes of long-forgotten events of my life bruising my sensitivity. It sent disturbing lingering noises down my spine and I felt its every scream. As expected, I have tried muting its clattering and chattering on many occasions but I have failed.

Mind-wandering is normal. Everyone’s mind chatters. The chattering is the inner dialogue that constantly provides solutions, gives advice and analyse stuff. Working with the brain, the inner voice gives you the clue on what shoes go with the colour of clothes you chose to wear. It plans out your day. Literally, it has a say in your life, your circumstances and the people you meet.

This voice vocalises your choices, it makes you fall in and out of love. The inner voice is part of you, it is YOU. It was there all along when you experienced the disappointments of life, the pain of losing someone close; the heartbreak. It was the soothing voice of encouragement. It hails you when you achieve and it sends its condolence when you fail.

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