I was the nice quiet girl in the classroom, I was the nice lady in the office who never argue with anyone, I was that person whose voice couldn’t be heard. The nice one whose rights could be tramp upon. The nice one to whom all the chores could be passed on to. Someone nice enough not to utter a word, despite the inconveniences.
I was once the nice person whose feelings were hurt, the one who was afraid to say how people made her feel, the nice one who traded her ideas all in the name of being nice. The one with the great idea, but, too shy to voice it out. Too afraid to be seen as a showoff. The one who received the look and walked away quietly. Too nice to look back, silently bearing it all.
I misinterpreted the word nice. I was timid, gullible, unwary and naive and did people relish in my ignorance? I was the loner, the quiet one. I let people push me to a breaking point. I was the nice one indeed.
To be nice is to give pleasure or satisfy others. Nice means delicate, subtle, meticulous, scrupulous, agreeable. It means minute, precise, amusing, ultra-fine, exact. Nice is being nice in every aspect of life. I am none of these attributes.
I don’t have to be nice about lying and injustice. I have the right to shout and scream if I am being treated unfairly. I don’t have to give in to bullying. I have to forbid evil without being nice about it. I have to encourage goodness, even, if I have to be tagged incorrectly. I don’t have to let people walk over me, all in the name of being nice.
I want to be able to forgive, not just because it is a nice thing to do. I want to have a compassionate heart not because it is nice to be compassionate, but, because we are all on a journey.
I don’t have to keep my ideas and opinions locked up. I want to be friendly, not just because it is nice to be friendly, but, because, it keeps the world alive. I want to be honest in expressing my innermost self and there is no need to be nice about it.
Feeding the birds in my garden should not be attached to the nicety for nature demands more from me. Contributing to the wellness of my community should be a priority. Paying my quota is a must. Living my dreams and achieving my goals shouldn’t be tagged either.
I don’t just want to be nice. I want to be REAL. I don’t have the patience for being nice any longer. I am done with niceness. I want to be everything I want to be without the need to be nice. I want to help, forgive with a heart of gold. I want to be fair without the traditional norm. I want to be me. I want to be heard. I want to be ME!
I want to stand up on my feet, feel the breeze, enjoy the sun. I want to love myself and look after myself. I know this demands a bit of selfishness and I can’t be nice about it either.
I want to be able to say how you make me feel. I have decided to stop living in my shadow. I want to live, not just exist.